I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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