We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
