i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
