I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
