now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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