Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
the raccoons are back...
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