Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize