i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize