hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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