Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
