It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
