i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
