I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
