cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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