that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
