I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
