who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
