That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
