My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She said her name was "party"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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