I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
