...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
