I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
