I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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