I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
