I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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