Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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