I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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