nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
