I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
