Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
