is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
