He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Are my feet made of real feet?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize