is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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