Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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