So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
