i just wanna soil my oats bro
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize