There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You did what with his pubic hair?
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