He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
