I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
