I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
