It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
