Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I cockslap morals
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
