I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
