Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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