But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
