I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
