And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
