I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
