so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
