I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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