I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
