i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
