1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
