Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
