Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
