i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
