i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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