watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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