What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
