When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
