I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
