"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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