we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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