Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
