So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
