My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
