There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
