Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
