I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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