nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
