Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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