I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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