Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize