New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i wish my penis had a tongue
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Randomize
