The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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