According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
