he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
