y did u give ur computer a hand job?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
