I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
