oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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