Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
