Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
no you cant smoke seaweed
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
