He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
