So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize