It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She bit a glass in half.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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