I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
