I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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