Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize