My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
