I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
People in love make me want to vomit
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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