Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize