you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
