I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
