is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize