I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
