i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
