And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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