The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
