Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
