I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
