i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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