Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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