have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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