Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
