i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
