I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
