summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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