You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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