Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
