so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
