we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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