when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
