Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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